You'll know when you know.

Overnight, so many things can change.

Sometimes it’s inexplicable. A sudden almost uncontrollable urge to do anything that would affirm the fact that we’re alive. An overwhelming desire to hear the voice of just that one particular person for no comprehensible reason.

Sometimes it’s random inspiration. Stubbing out your last cigarette and swearing never to touch another again. Making new resolutions and overdue confessions.

Sometimes it’s just life that happens, that and its un-poetic realities. Milk goes bad yet again. People lose their jobs. In turn, you lose what you always thought were unshakeable anchors in your life. The weather gets better, then worse. Accidents happen. A somber realization that when life throws a curveball at you, crying, among other things, does not help. On the other hand, friends who show genuine support (rather than false sympathy), steadfastness and understanding (rather than emotional solidarity), do.

I’m afraid I might be going mad from keeping it all in, trying to hold it together. To do the adult thing - keep smiling and nodding and listening and talking when all I want to do is shout and scream and punch something till I pass out.