Is it coincidence or is it communication?

Mass today was quite amazing. For the first time in a long while, we were early and while waiting for mass to begin, I knelt to pray.

I told God about the things that were bothering me, that I still had reservations about going for Honours. I told Him that I don't understand how some people could be so sure of where they were heading in life and for others, even if they didn't know exactly where they were going, their faith and trust in God's guiding hand gave them a strong sense of direction nevertheless. I prayed for my direction in life, that it may be revealed to me or that He may lead me to it. In my heart, I felt that one of the reasons why I feel so uncertain about doing Honours is because I have no idea where I'm heading with it. (Hence the question, Is this really for me?) All the stress, apprehension and anxiety that I've been feeling, I told Him in words and in the quiet of my heart. Then I asked Him if I could have a sign to guide, one that was clear enough because I don't trust my ability to discern amidst ambiguity.

Later during sermon that Fr William Goh delivered, he mentioned that the suffering that we go through in life is not a form of punishment but an opportunity for us to come to a form of self-realization, that we may be united with Jesus in His suffering. Many times throughout life, we take things for granted when we don't have to work hard to earn it. It's just like how we take our salvation for granted the longer the time that we've been Catholics. He gave examples and one of the examples he mentioned was that of going through tertiary education. Only when we work hard to obtain a degree/doctorate/PhD, will we truly appreciate the opportunity to learn and the luxury of access to education. And such suffering, challenges, trials and difficulties all require a strong sense of discipline. (Which, incidentally, was something that I'd told God about as well.)

Still, being the skeptic that I am, a part of me remained unconvinced that that was God communicating with me. After all, amidst all the prayers and inner voices of all the people in the congregation and around the world, how could He possibly have heard me so soon? But no matter. During the prayer before communion, I didn't know what to say and somehow, I didn't feel a need to say anything, so I just kept quiet and imagined myself sitting next to God, just drawing comfort from His close presence. As it sometimes does when my mind goes quiet, a song popped into my head - We Will Rise Again, and the chorus played in my mind...

We will run and not grow weary

For His love will be our strength

And we will fly like an eagle

We will rise again.

And I thought to myself, "What a lovely song to listen to were I to be feeling like crap and completely helpless." So, when I was done, I sat down again and started flipping through the hymnal to look for the song. As I did that, the choir started singing it at the very same moment. I was so taken aback, I gasped. How could it be? Was He really, really listening? Is He really trying to tell me something? For a moment, I came close to feeling like I was in safe hands and I didn't need to worry any more. But it was just for a moment. Right now, I'm trying to do research for a paper topic that I have to submit soon as well as for a presentation due on Tuesday, and it doesn't look good. Dearest Heavenly Father, I need Your grace and wisdom!