Apprehensive.

I was gripped by a sudden fear today, while doing my readings at home. It's one of those moments when you're trying to concentrate on something but your mind keeps wandering on to random thoughts.

What if I bump into him when I start to work in the future? Worse, what if my path crosses with hers? Or with people she knows, close friends? For some strange reason, there's this weird knot of fear that's swimming around my mind that refuses to go away. The possibility seems very real and very likely. What do I do then? What if the truth of what happened comes out while I'm still working at wherever with whoever finds out? So many awful scenarios started playing out in my mind like a VCR that's going nuts on me and I can't stop the tape no matter how many times I'm hitting the stop button. I just messaged Chaz to ask her if I could call her. I think I need to talk to someone.

This is the reason why I should never, ever make another mistake like that ever again in my entire life. Never. I feel like I will eventually have to pay the price of what I've done. I just don't know when it's going to happen or how. What's my defence when it comes back to haunt me? I realise I have none.