io non ho paura.

I was about to start gushing about this film and then I caught myself. I don't exactly want to turn into one of those people who indiscriminately fall over their feet worshipping every foreign film that comes their way. But still, there is something captivating about the exoticism of what's out there. You can say it's something like living vicariously through the camera lens.

This Italian film. io non ho paura. "I'm not scared". The plot is simple and the twist at the end not altogether unexpected. Yet when I was watching it, I could see and feel the beauty of the clear blue skies, the huge expanse of a golden wheatfield, with its many fingers rustling in the wind, the freedom of racing, racing through clean, warm summer air, just that pure freedom. The film savours the humaness and innocent goodness of Michele, the beauty of the Italian summer and all those miles and miles of freedom. This is not a clever film, the way something like the Matrix or Memento is clever. Watching it, I was, for a moment, faraway and free, running through the wheatfields under the clearest, bluest skies. This is a film that celebrates beauty and life and that is what I really love about it and that is what is worth gushing about.

excellento.

The answer is?

I woke up this afternoon with monster cramps in my belly. My face turned all pasty and I was breaking out in cold sweat through every pore on my body. In between groaning as I sat on the toilet and hobbling around, I was incredibly tempted to knock myself out so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. Eventually, I just ended up lying in bed fighting the damn thing. After an hour, it must have gotten tired of trying to kill me and left.

Yesterday, on the way home from Antioch meeting, I was thinking aloud with Wayne. Is it selfish if I choose not to commit a lot of time to church activities (and even CSS activities before Honours kicked in) and in that sense, to God? Is it selfish if I choose not to because I want to have the freedom and flexibility of time that is all my own, so that I can concentrate on school and personal life? Theoretically I suppose the answer is no. After all, it's just a matter of priorities and there's no right or wrong.

But I look at people around me, people like Marion, Mel D, Andrea etc and I feel selfish. It's not impossible to juggle more than family, school and personal life. Time management, isn't that what they always say? But I say no just in case. Just in case it doesn't work out. Just in case I have to make too many sacrifices and end up tired and worse-tempered for it. And I resent having a never-ending list of things to do, every minute having to plan for something or other, or attend some meeting or other. I need my free time, time to slack or rest or waste or just be by myself, depending on how you perceive it. Or do I? What is the trade-off and is it worth it? Then again, does it necessarily have to be worth it?

Is it fair to expect other people to be able to do what you can do, just because you can?

My 2 lovely, lovely cousins.

Fancy a tart?

I have to say that my mummy certainly deserves a medal for the perseverence and tenacity she's shown in her most recent pineapple tart-making endeavour. This picture of tarts-in-the-making merits a post just because I think the colour looks wonderful.

Full time whistle.

What brings people together?

I can think of many things.

Beer (Heineken or anything except Tiger).
Conversations. Friendships.
Suffering. Grief.
Coffee. Cheesecake.
Birthdays. Love.
Good books.
Movies.
Song lyrics.
Football.

When we stepped out of the car after coming back from mass, it was 7:40pm and the match had started. I knew because there was unanimous cheering all around the blocks. It must have been right around the time when the first goal was scored. It reminded me of the World Cup final 2 years ago when Brazil played against Germany. I was at Wayne's place at that time but it was the same kind of cheering that echoed all around the blocks. It doesn't matter where you live, what race or social class you belong to. For some reason, these are the ties that bind. And they bind stronger than any speech or national education class will ever do. Days, months and years from now, there will be coffeeshop talk of what happened tonight, just as there is always talk of one momentous match or another long, long, long after the last whistle has been blown.

There is always something inexplicable about finding that there is someone who shares the same rush of excitement or sadness or sense of poignancy about something. To know that the meaning you see is confirmed and affirmed because someone else sees and feels the same thing. To know that and to somehow feel more human for it, this transcendental meeting of the mind and heart.

And to think that I used to imagine soccer as a stupid, mindless sport. :P

Lesson of the day....

Last night I tried to squeeze a clog out from my nose and because it was an especially stubborn clog, I ended up battling it for 45 minutes in vain. As a result, when I woke up the next morning, it transformed into a giant red raw piece of nightmare because the skin was so bruised and scrapped. It was so bad that I had to wear a plaster over it when I left the house to meet Dee in town to get Bel's birthday present. There was really no choice but to choose the lesser of two evils - look horrendous or look ridiculous. I can imagine all the unfortunate attention I'll be getting in school next week. *bracing myself* Well. At least Dee kept to her promise of not bursting out in laughter the minute she saw me. :P

And I don't suppose I actually have to spell out the moral of this story.......

On a lighter note, Bel's party was great. Like Dee said, it was nice and cosy surrounded by people who love her. That is how birthdays should be celebrated I think. It was good to be with some of the family for an occasion other than CNY or Christmas. I had a nice chat with James and got re-introduced to Dee's crazy friend with the terrible sense of humour, even went for a short walk around the lovely neighbourhood with Dee and Bernice because we were *so* full and had to find a way to feel something other than like our stomachs were going to burst at the seams (of our jeans). Poor Wayne couldn't escape a brief face-off with The Family even though he didn't actually attend the party and only came to pick me up. Happy Birthday again Bel. You looked really lovely that night and may this year bring for you many more blessings and good times.

And so, it was good.

It has been a while.

This holiday has been different somehow though I can't quite put a finger on it if anyone should ever ask me. It just feels that way. Maybe it's because relationship-wise, it's never been better. Maybe it's because I'd gone for my first ever proper job interview sans resume. Perhaps because I'd lost a dear dear friend whom I still miss terribly. And then there's also what happened with the tsunami. It is amazing how much poorer developing states have gone through and survived. That counts as more of an accomplishment than rich, developed ones successfully maintaining GDP growth no? Both the loss as well as expression of humanity has been monumental.

Inventory of what'd been done during this holiday...

1. Mourned.

2. Went for SID job interview. Answered a squillion mcq questions.

3. Met people I missed a lot.

4. Watched many much movies and many much DVDs. Including the first Star Wars trilogy for the first time.

5. Cooked (above picture was a collaborative effort in celebration of Wayne's birthday). Baked chicken pies single-handedly for mum.

6. Family time, including a special Christmas day with second uncle and auntie.

7. Shopping.

8. Attending fun-fun Christmas gathering at Andrea's, June's and Mel's.

9. Did a mini slideshow presentation for the Antiochers.

10. Successfully planned and carried out Operation Birthday Surprise for Wayne.

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At this point, I realise that this holiday felt different for me because for once, it had a lot more of people in it. So yes. Despite everything, it was good.