The answer is?
I woke up this afternoon with monster cramps in my belly. My face turned all pasty and I was breaking out in cold sweat through every pore on my body. In between groaning as I sat on the toilet and hobbling around, I was incredibly tempted to knock myself out so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. Eventually, I just ended up lying in bed fighting the damn thing. After an hour, it must have gotten tired of trying to kill me and left.
Yesterday, on the way home from Antioch meeting, I was thinking aloud with Wayne. Is it selfish if I choose not to commit a lot of time to church activities (and even CSS activities before Honours kicked in) and in that sense, to God? Is it selfish if I choose not to because I want to have the freedom and flexibility of time that is all my own, so that I can concentrate on school and personal life? Theoretically I suppose the answer is no. After all, it's just a matter of priorities and there's no right or wrong.
But I look at people around me, people like Marion, Mel D, Andrea etc and I feel selfish. It's not impossible to juggle more than family, school and personal life. Time management, isn't that what they always say? But I say no just in case. Just in case it doesn't work out. Just in case I have to make too many sacrifices and end up tired and worse-tempered for it. And I resent having a never-ending list of things to do, every minute having to plan for something or other, or attend some meeting or other. I need my free time, time to slack or rest or waste or just be by myself, depending on how you perceive it. Or do I? What is the trade-off and is it worth it? Then again, does it necessarily have to be worth it?
Is it fair to expect other people to be able to do what you can do, just because you can?
Yesterday, on the way home from Antioch meeting, I was thinking aloud with Wayne. Is it selfish if I choose not to commit a lot of time to church activities (and even CSS activities before Honours kicked in) and in that sense, to God? Is it selfish if I choose not to because I want to have the freedom and flexibility of time that is all my own, so that I can concentrate on school and personal life? Theoretically I suppose the answer is no. After all, it's just a matter of priorities and there's no right or wrong.
But I look at people around me, people like Marion, Mel D, Andrea etc and I feel selfish. It's not impossible to juggle more than family, school and personal life. Time management, isn't that what they always say? But I say no just in case. Just in case it doesn't work out. Just in case I have to make too many sacrifices and end up tired and worse-tempered for it. And I resent having a never-ending list of things to do, every minute having to plan for something or other, or attend some meeting or other. I need my free time, time to slack or rest or waste or just be by myself, depending on how you perceive it. Or do I? What is the trade-off and is it worth it? Then again, does it necessarily have to be worth it?
Is it fair to expect other people to be able to do what you can do, just because you can?
Labels: An old life.
posted by raggedee_ann at 4:31 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Jo, don't be so hard on yourself... I guess God gives us what we can handle... and maybe taking on extra commitments just isn't for you right now. I don't really have an answer for u, in fact I've been asking myself(and God) whether i'm doing enough, or too much, for the wrong reasons etc...
Same with you I've started to give up CSS activities and commitments and all and recently, I've become more unsure than ever abt serving. It's not good to compare urself with others... we all have different capabilities and circumstances. Slowly la, let the spirit lead u. :) Anyways, I'm always free for a chat if u wanna... might not be able to offer u lotsa advice, but maybe sharing my experience might give u some insight. :) *hug*
hey jo... i guess i can seriously empathise with your predicament. For the longest time i've felt that way... well, it's only been a year and a half, but that's long! I've progressed now to it being more of a thing of "serving where it mattered" ie. i feel that i can contribute best to my peers, which is why i shun away from Church service of any form. I really don't have the answers for you, just have to continue searching i guess. As good old Marcus says: every one is yearning for God; it's just how much they want to admit it.
Good luck and God Bless u on your journey!
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