Escape the daily grind

Marrickville Station, Sydney

Chapter One
(Lifehouse)

All the stars are out tonight it feels as though I might
Make some sense out of this madness will it turn out right
Who's to say where the wind will blow

Time will tell us if we're out of answers when it stops
Climb back down to the beginning
Take it from the top
Who's to say where the wind will blow

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

All the leaves are turning and the sky fades to gray
Strange our life coincides with the seasons of today
Who's to say where the wind will blow

What happens when everything is lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

Carry on you say
Bring the best of today
All I see is struggling on the way

Maybe when the sun crashes through the gray
I can find the strength to make it through the day
Through the day

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go
Take your chances turn around and go

You'll always be beautiful

Sunset at Circular Quay

I came home tonight to find my parents still up watching a show they’d recorded earlier. We said hi and I joined them in the living room for a while. We sat together and watched TV, comfortable and comforted in a way that only a family can be.

I shift my weight on the stool and lean towards my mum. She unexpectedly reaches out and smoothes my hair, running her fingers gently through it, turning the unruly ends inwards in a way that does nothing except to tell me how much she loves me.

It is good to be home.

Black holes

No.12, on the way to Mountbatten Swimming Complex

Some days I feel like I’m looking through a thousand tiny black holes that cloud my vision and give me headaches. It makes me irritable; I wasn't up to taking on the world today.

The weather is awful. I’m dropping everything that finds its way into my hands. My bus card has no money and so I had to get off the bus. I eat too much more than I can handle and it doesn’t feel too good. I miss Sydney terribly. I miss Gen. I miss cold winter mornings. I’m missing my morning quiet times. I’m missing God.I'm missing best friends who have gone, best friends I haven't seen for so long. I’m thinking about the way I want my life to be, which seems like an impossible dream. It bothers me that I haven’t found a job and that I’m allowing people to make me feel bad about that. I’m getting annoyed at all the little things that don’t matter. I know, I know. But I can’t help it. Or can I?

I need to be quiet and listen. I need to count my blessings. I need to remember that there are people in great need. I need to step into the right moments, look for the right things. I need to be grace-full and gracious. I need to remember to be good to myself. I need to just be again.

Children

White Chocolate Mocha with extra-special white chocolate sprinkles, Max Brenner's, Manly Beach

She gave me a shy smile before nodding, her eyes still on the open book I placed in front of her. I asked her if she likes fairy tales. I was a faraway voice, a faint echo by the time it reached her in the world of princesses, castles and happy endings, where she lives. She smiled as if she was unsure if I would share her secret pleasure yet glad that I asked, so that she could tell me what it was. I stood quietly next to her, both of us admiring, in reverent silence, the story of Cinderella.

Tonight, I heard a little boy read A Nightmare Before Christmas out loud; I followed his fingers as they made their way across the page into Halloweentown. With a devotion more complete than anything I’ve ever seen, his eyes kept faithfully on each word, he paid great tribute to Tim Burton. Me, I was just at the right place at the right time and had the privilege of being allowed to bear witness to such an important event.

I don’t walk around with wide-open eyes, taking in everything that is going on around me as if seeing it for the first time.
I don’t walk around half the time with my mouth open in wonder at the vastness of the world.
I don’t grab the nearest hand and hold on tight just because I’m almost bursting with excitement at seeing a picture of a dinosaur on the cover of a wee green book.
I don’t take slow, hesitant steps towards my favourite book laid out on the table, head bowed slightly in awe, half-afraid that I will be stopped and pulled away before I reach it.
I don’t raise my hand and repeatedly point at something, anything that catches my eye simply because words can’t contain and express how I feel.

Today, I wondered and wondered what it is like and wished, for a moment, that I knew.