Fortuitous findings.

On my way home today, I bought three roses to place at our altar at home – 2 lilac, 1 a lovely pastel that hinted of pink. I needed something to take the edge off this head-aching listlessness. The lilac roses let off a soft, comforting scent.

I put on my earphones and walked all the way home from the train station. I've been doing that a lot lately. It’s my private time, my quiet time. I love it. Sometimes, I cross the road legitimately at the traffic lights. Sometimes, when the way is clear, I trot across the middle of the road just for the childish satisfaction of getting away with it. Either way, I get to choose. When I walk home, I know exactly where I’m going and how to get there. My feet cooperate; my body is in sync with the cracks on the pavements that lead the way home. I am in complete control. And I realize that is what I feel I’m lacking in my life at the moment.

I am sick of the mess that inertia and purposelessness have been leaving lying around. So I decided to pack my room and put everything away where they belong. I lit my sandalwood candle and watched the shadows dance with a kind of wild abandonment that seemed at once like some kind of release. I wanted to dance along…

Some people believe in fate or providence or destiny or whatever it is that tells them that everything will be ok. I believe in God and His hand that guides me, shelters me and envelopes me in an indescribable love. I believe that when He leads and if I follow, that is when I will be ok.